"Seriously? Whoever this is is lucky they are already dead."
"Oh wah-wah-wah. I'm going outside to watch tv with the gnomes, you can go back to sleep you big baby."
I really do need to quit being so lazy and build another house. It could be complete naivete but I'm thinking that if we had a two story with the bedrooms upstairs, the ghosts wouldn't "pass through" quite so much on their way to the tv, the fridge, whatever.
Welcome back! Last chapter, Yavanna and Santos had two late-in-life children, Beren and Otho. Beren is so cute I'm actually considering him for heir. He could take over as a child. Celly moved out, and Thinny has been helping take care of the babies, all while trying to keep Santos, who's inexplicably popular with the ladies, from being such an assbag.
Now that we're all caught up, let's get back to the ghosts.
"Hello, my disappointing grandson. I may not be able to steal your lollipops anymore, or scare you in your sleep, but I can still fart!"
Thinny: *dreams of swamps, cesspools, and old lady ass*
And just in case one wake-up wasn't traumatic enough.
"Sorry about your grandmother, Thinny! I'll try to distract her."
You could start by STAYING OUT OF HIS ROOM!!
"Thinny is exhausted, Georgie! You need to stay out of his room while he's sleeping."
"Ugh! Don't YOU start with me, you big pansy-ass. You always were too much of a pushover where the kids were concerned."
"Wait, I thought spouses got sent to the graveyard? What are you even doing here?"
"Heh-heh. Once the queen, always the queen."
"Who dey, Mama?"
"Just some vagrants that live in the yard, sweetie. Try to ignore them, like I do."
"So I ended up writing this ridiculously vapid book just to shut her up. It only sort of worked. She read the damn thing in one evening and it did nothing to zip her yapping lip. It made okay money, though, for a contrived, cookie-cutter waste of trees that any decent bibliophile wouldn't see fit to wipe their ass with."
"What word I supposoo tay? Butt? Ass?"
It's probably best that you not say anything, Beren. Just let the crazy old man ramble and unwind. You'd think a renowned author would be the perfect one to teach the toddler to talk, but you'd be wrong.
Otho became a toddler in need of ear surgery. Y'all know what he looks like from the spoiler last chapter.
"You're gonna ignore me, aren't you?"
Not altogether. I'd like to think of you as the Feanor of this generation.
"I don't even know what that means."
It means that you don't have a shot at heirship, but if you're cute and don't annoy me too much, I'll keep you around and get you a significant other.
"Right now I need a diaper change."
Not my department.
We're not traveling again to get frogs.
Otho is not the only one with a birthday today.
"YES!! I can finally get the hell out of this house away from my father!"
Oh dear. You are going to have a disappointing birthday.
"But, you said I don't get heirship!"
I said probably.
"Oh. Well, anyway, I wish to have a good, productive life, no matter where I go from here."
"You know, I don't think this kid is mine, either. He's way too much of a goody-goody."
Ladies and Gentlemen, your new heir!!
LOL! I took a peek at young adult Beren in CAS and, liking what I saw, decided to definitely go with him. Sorry, Thinny.
"I really don't care. Now I get to move out!"
LOL again! Sorry man, you're staying here so I can get your LTW.
"Please tell me I'm not sharing a room with my baby brother."
No, no. Don't worry, I'll find a nice spot for you.
What? Did you really think I was going to add on? Or build a new house? Please. A little trailer in the back corner of the yard is perfect.
Front view. There's not a lot to it.
There's only three rooms. It's tiny but it should do.
Kitchen area. They don't have a stove. They really don't need one considering that all the food that's in the main fridge magically appears in their fridge as well.
Living room area. It gives Thinny his own space while keeping him on the lot for me.
I gave him the workaholic trait to help with his Astronaut lifetime wish. He immediately got a military job. Keisha has already aged up, we just need to move her in, which we'll do tomorrow. Right now I've got another annoying ass wish to try to fulfill.
"Any of you brain rot bitches ready to throw down?"
"Hey! Old lady! That's is the dumbest hat I have EVER seen! I oughta kick your ass!"
"Um, okay, sorry! I don't want any trouble."
"You don't want any trouble? Then what the hell are you doing at a bar at night?"
You know, people go to bars to have a drink and some fun with friends.
"Nobody I know."
"I'll show you what a bar is for you crazy bitch!!"
And it's on. Please win this one, not only do I want this wish out of the way, but losing to an old lady in a cat ear hat is REALLY embarrassing.
And someone loses a shoe!!
A whole lot of cussing, bitch-slapping, and dust cloud later,
Damn, y'all left a mess. You better tip the bartender really well.
"Next time, bring your A game or stay the hell home. Consider this a PSA."
She won. Thank dog. Let's follow this ludicrous act of pointless violence with some glitchy cuteness.
"Hey Beren, do you know what this stick is for?"
"You hit da' bahs wif it."
"Like this?"
"Yah. Be tarefuh doh, Daddy doesint wike da noize."
"I don't know, I think it's for chewing."
"It is yummy."
"Hey Beren?"
"Yah?"
"Doesn't that hurt your butt?"
"Nope. I don't feeh a ting!"
Beren did give his ass a break by playing with his new teddy. Because having one of the three adults in the house socialize with a fully skilled toddler is laughable claptrap.
"He almos as cute as me!!"
"Thinny Is A PANsy. Come kid, it's not that hard."
"Look, Old Man, I've pretty much got the talking thing down and I'm not going to insult the guy who gets me out of my crib in the morning, okay?"
"I don't think ANY of you are mine."
"He tase dood, too."
Swell.
"Hi Keisha! Would you like to meet me at the Bistro? I've got something I want to ask you............. Yeah, right now.......great! See you in a few."
You may want to swap that phone out for a newer model, Thinny. That one's looking like it's on its last little gigabyte.
"So guess what? My parents finally added on to the house! Well, not really. They had a small
"That's great, Thinny! They really needed to add on. That tiny house on that huge lot always looked so strange."
Oh, it still does.
"Keisha, I know it's not much, but I would love for you to move in with me! I promise that I'm working really hard on my military career, and as soon as I become an astronaut, we can move out together into our own place. So what do you think?"
"It'd be our own little house? Away from your father?"
"Yup."
"Does it have any workout equipment?"
"I just bought a brand new weight machine."
"And once you reach the top of your career, we get to move out into a real house? Can it be a mansion?"
"Of course! We should be able to
"I'm in!"
"Great! Let's go home!"
Um, Olo, sweetie, you don't live here anymore.
"Yeah, yeah, hang on I got a text.
'Hello, big brother! I hope you got that promotion you were hoping for!'
'I sure did! I'm a Mad Scientist, now! Thanks!!'
She's so nice. I'm glad Dad brought her home, even though it really pissed off Mom."
Back to why you're here.
"Oh, right. I was in the neighborhood and wanted to tell Yavanna about my promotion."
She's fishing, but your brother-in-law is here.
"What the fuck, man? You don't live here! We're not having a party! Get your freaky ass home, as in back to your own damn house!!"
"Jesus, you've gotten even worse in your old age. You and Yavanna totally deserve each other. I'm out!!"
"Any chance there's bourbon in this bottle?"
Nope. No bar so there's no "juice" in the entire house.
"This place really is a hole."
Just drink your weird, green milk and shut your trap.
*sigh* ANYWAY, back to the latest addition to the family.
Here's Keisha after a makeover. I didn't do much with her clothes, just gave her a new hairdo.
Here's her stats. She's a snobby slob. She'll hate living in this dump of a house but won't hesitate to make it worse.
I think we can definitely make this LTW.
She got one but he didn't. Curious.
"Um, honey? Where are you?"
"Not right now, you horndog. It's my birthday!!"
Bad timing, Santos.
"Oh my god, are you kidding?"
LOL! I do get around to fixing that, I think.
"You better!"
"I think I'll go play video games."
"I knew we should have done it in the time machine."
Birthday cock block ftw!!
Quick family check in. This is Eva, Olorin's daughter with Elisabeth. Also pink. With Finrod's hair.
"Don't remind me."
That you're pink?
"No, about my father. I hardly ever saw that douchebag growing up and I don't need to hear about him now."
Oh, sorry about that.
"Whatever."
What is UP with all the peeping thomasina's lately? It's creepy, Patricia!!
"Is that Santos dude here?"
"Hi, handsome! I've heard all about you from the other ladies in town. I think you and I could really have a little something-something together."
WTF? Why are all the womyns coming to our house to flirt with Santos? He's an asshole, people! A complete jerk! He's not this amazing catch. He's not even a decent human being. What is wrong with you? Get some standards. Jeez. The bar, it is low.
"Are you crazy? You are Yavanna's cousin!! (She's Luthien's daughter) We are having a nothing-nothing! DAMN!!"
"Really? You're gonna pass this up because of my stupid cousin? You must be gettin' that dementia shit I keep hearing about."
You're a doctor, you idiot!
"Oh, that's right. I am a doctor. I should know about that stuff, shouldn't I?"
"Ha-ha! Old lady is dumb! Hahahahahaha!!"
"She really is. I almost feel sorry for her, almost."
You brought it on yourself, Patricia.
Of course she left before he rolled this.
"What? I said I feel sorry for her!"
"Um, Keisha? Are you going to eat like that all the time?"
"You've eaten out with me at least three times before now. This cannot possibly be a surprise."
"No, but I was hoping you'd outgrow it."
"Sorry to disappoint you."
Her steak plants still haven't .......... flowered? Steaked? Eh. We'll work on it.
"Ofo? You gonna watch tv wif me?"
"Sure, man! I hope the Llamas win this one. The losing streak has got to end some time."
"Hee-hee! Da' phone is winging. Maybe Daddy dots anuder date!"
"Dammit, Kathy! Quit prank-calling me, you brain-dead loser! You're really starting to piss me off!"
It's at least the 3rd time she's asked him out. Seriously, Do Not Get It.
"WAAAHHHHH!!! I wonwey!! Someone come and pway wif me!!"
"Forget it, kid. ION is running an NCIS marathon."
"You are a HORRIBLE father! It's bad enough that you were a jackass to Celly and I, but to be so callous to those little babies in inexcusable!"
"Get over there and pick Beren up and pay attention to him!"
"Pffft. You're not the boss of me!!"
"Oh yeah? Let's just see about that!"
"COME ON YOU PUSSY! FASTER! FASTER!!! PUT YOUR LEGS INTO IT YOU OLD, DRIED UP GEEZER!! YOU'RE NOTHING!! THE BABIES ARE STRONGER THAN YOU!!"
Not how I saw this being resolved but seeing as Thinny is good, whatever works for him, I suppose. An exhausted Santos may be a quieter Santos.
"Well, I WAS going to go to work."
You're still going to work, into the car with you! And Fin? Back to your grave!
"But I'm so comfortable."
Don't say I didn't warn you.
"Oh My God!! I can't get to my carpool! This table is in my way to my carpool!!"
Let's not start back up with this again, shall we?
"I am so sick of these ghosts."
"That's right, keep looking outside. Just enjoy the beautiful view of the hot tub."
"I so love that hot tub. I know it's a huge waste of water and electricity, but I just can't help myself. She's a warm, loving mistress."
"GHAOIAONNCUUTAEOOYOUARESOFUCKINGANNOYING!!!!!!!"
"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
"Oh no! It's karma! I'm being punished for my love of such an energy suck."
*yawn* "Man it's getting late ............. IN THE DAY!! Get your ass out of here, old man."
Speaking of things that won't leave....
"We have a stranger among us, Wolfie."
"Wolfie watching Animal Planet."
Oh it's about to get all Animal Planet up in here.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz I smell cake zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZ"
It's Beren's birthday party. Sorry, Raccoon, but you gots to go.
"Get Your Mangy Ass Out Of My Yard!! Go on, SHOO!!"
"Zzzzzzzzz but I'm hungry zzzzzzzzzzzzZ"
"I don't give a shit! Go now before I sic my husband on you!"
"She's threatening me with that Santos dude? *snort* Like he scares me. Now, that horse, on the other hand.."
"Later you crazy old bastard! Enjoy your party!"
"What party? Why are all these animals here?"
"Don't be fooled by my saddle. I am, in fact, a wild horse. I did NOT run away from home because I lived in a studio with no hay. I am a WILD horse. I'm practically a mustang, I'm so wild."
You were not invited, horse. GTFO.
"What is that wretched smell? It's like Woody Allen and the diner dumpster had a baby."
At least the animals are on to Santos. I don't know why the women can't catch up.
"Awesome! A hot tub! Make room for me!"
Okay, seriously, wtf is up with all the animals? I cut the number of strays allowed pretty severely in Story Progression (or Master Controller, can't remember) so I hardly ever see strays around. We had a raccoon, a horse, and a dog all show up inside of an hour or so. NONE OF YOU WERE INVITED SO GTHO!!!
"What? Come on, lady! I even brought the ice cream truck! Your favorite!"
And the stray vehicle makes an appearance as well. Drop a meteor on the house and we'll call it complete.
"Yayyy!! It's my birfday!!! I gets cake!!"
"Celly, your bitch better not be digging a hole in my yard! I'll fucking bury you in it!"
"HA ha! This house is still a shit hole!! And that isn't my dog. Dig, little guy, dig your to your heart's content! Yes, right there in front of the door."
"Where the fuck are all the other people I invited?"
Well, Cirdan is here. And somebody is doing the nasty in the time machine. Because toddler's birthday party.
"Don't forget me! I am here for all your photobombing needs."
"Dammit! Yavanna!! Get me the shotgun!!"
We don't have that mod, either.
"Oh OF COURSE you fucking don't."
"Bye hordes! Thanks for getting the blood pumping just that much more!!"
"Is the horse my present?"
No. You're heir and what you wish for, you get. That's your present.
"Oh, that's much better!!"
Here's your new heir. I'm curious to see how I like a child heir. Hopefully I won't get sick of him by the time he's a young adult. He rolled 'grumpy' for his trait.
Here's Yavanna's happiness points for the record.
Next time, how is it having a child as heir? An insane, neurotic, grumpy child at that? Will Yavanna ever get 10 outstanding steaks? Will I stop giving a fuck? Will she and Santos fight more now that I'm not micromanaging her every move? All this and more, next chapter.
Points
Heirs: +1
LTW Heir:
Spare/Spouse:
Children:
Every $100,000:
100,000 Happiness Points (heir): +10
Skipped/Failed Opportunities: -1
Fulfilled Opportunities:
Deleted Locked In Wishes:
Accidental Deaths:
Social Worker Visits:
Previous Total: +141
New Total: +151
No comments:
Post a Comment