"Um, I really don't care, Olo. Please get the hell outta my grill, you're creeping me out."
Welcome back! Last chapter we moved Thinny and his girlfriend, Keisha, into a trailer in the backyard, and Beren became a child and our new heir. Olorin, as you can see, is still pathetic.
"I never really had a chance!!"
Yavanna washed the stink off by woohooing with Santos in Thinny's bed.
"What the HECK, man? Woohooing in MY bed? Keep your old butt in your own bed, you freak!"
"This is MY property, MY house! I'll woohoo whereever the fuck I damn well please!"
"Besides, you are such a friggin' goody-goody that the very idea of you procreating makes me sick! Better your mother and I use that bed than you and that disgusting, messy, pig of a girl you brought home."
"Don't mind me. I'm just gonna stand here and stare at my shoes while my husband and son argue, again."
"Ugh! I cannot believe I'm related to you. You are both HORRIBLE people."
"Really? That's it? You're just gonna wave your hand at me?"
"You really are a strange piece of work."
"Just get out of here and stay out!!"
One of the first things Beren wishes for as heir is to throw some money around.
"Pretty soon we'll own the whole town! Then I can name it 'Beren's Valley'!"
"Hmmmmm, now that we own this place, can we remodel it to look like a giant dinosaur? I always thought that sounded cool."
"Ewww! Is she seriously watching tv in her underwear? I told you she's gross!"
"I've got an idea, Mom. You know how this place is always a mess? No one checks the stove or the faucets, people leave dishes out, they don't make their bed, I'm always the one who has to do it? Well I think I've got the perfect solution!"
"Oh, this I've got to hear."
You know it. I knew someone was going to wish for one sooner or later.
"Isn't it perfect, Mom? You just shake the bones and the magic skeleton will come and keep the whole house clean and in good repair! I can't believe we didn't get one before now!"
"Look, honey, it's a great idea. Really, it is. But the very thought of a skeleton walking around the house of it's own free will, in a maid's outfit no less, is too grotesque for words. You can keep the coffin outside but no skeleton is going be gallivanting around while I'm still alive."
"Oh. Well. Okay, Mom. If you say so."
This is how Beren spends a lot of his time.
"Iz verr imporin oo have ood ora hieen."
"Oh hooray! The gnubb is free! I can play all night! Can't die twice."
"Are you sure the security system is working? Shouldn't we have curtains on this window? Is it locked? What if orcs get in? One of the ghosts told me about orcs. I certainly don't want them coming in the windows."
You're awfully young to be so worried about orcs.
"Someone has to, clearly no one else in the family thinks of these things."
Otho had his child birthday. He's now an angler, like his Aunt Kathy.
"Are you going to fix the routing issues plaguing our backyard pond?"
Probably not.
"I really hate this dump."
While Yavanna was out and about, I collected that week's residuals from all the places they own.
I knew it wouldn't take long.
I do like it when a plan comes together.
"No getting tired! We have to run around the yard slapping each other until we are best friends! Cause that's how besties act! Except ................................. wait here, I forgot to check the faucets when we came home!!"
"Why do I have to fix it?"
You broke it, AND you need handiness for your job.
"You better hope I don't die."
I am, I'm hoping.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"
Oh shit.
"Are you happy now?"
Sorry Thinny, you can call a repair sim.
"The electric shock has jarred my brain and I am now inclined to make a mountain out of a molehill."
Wha??
A little backstory; when I was sending out invites for Beren's child party awhile back, I noticed this...
Hmmmm, interesting. Who knew there was competition for Keisha's affections?
Thinny decides, while on the phone with the repairsim, that now is the perfect time to drudge this up and accuse Keisha of cheating, in spite of her having been at work all day and not really interacting with anybody.
"I know all about you, Keisha! Don't think you can hide it from me ANYMORE!!"
"Whoa! What the heck happened to you? You're fried! Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, nevermind that. What's important here is that YOU HAVE A ROMANTIC INTEREST!!"
"WHAT? Who?"
"That Jung guy!"
"But, but we only kissed a couple of times in high school, I haven't seen him since! I swear, Thinny, I haven't!!"
"No excuses, Keisha! Your friend list says it all. I can't believe this. I have to go shower and hope it washes off the stink of your betrayal!"
"Yeah, THAT'S the stink you need to wash off."
LOL! Whatevs, game. Somewhere in the side yard, Georgina is laughing her ass off.
"She kissed a guy in HIGH SCHOOL? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Please. My pitiful grandson knows shit about cheating and betrayal."
Otho blames the whole thing on Santos. Makes sense to me. Also, it's Santos', no double 's' at the end. Jeez.
"Hello!?! I can't sleep in this bed with HIM! He's got that stupid 'betrayed' moodlet!"
Oh, right, I forgot about that.
"You'll have to put in another bed for me."
Uh-huh.
"Zzzzzzzyou're a bitchzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZ"
A lazy bitch, tyvm.
"It appears that the school won't fully materialize from the time stream. That means I can skip, right?"
As you wish.
"Hi there, Mr. Proprietor, I'm Beren Valinor. I live in the little house on the big hill."
"Next to the Landgraab mansion? That's a house? I thought they'd put in a second dump."
"Nope. That's my house."
"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle. Anyway, how can I help you, Beren?"
"Well, I would like to converse with a supernatural and I'm having trouble figuring out what that is. Do you happen to know? Are orcs supernaturals? Or that rather frightening man in the black cloak that my mom has told me about? The Grim?"
"Hmmm, I don't know about orcs. I've never heard of them. Grim may be a supernatural, I'm sure he thinks so, but he's a little hard to find. You kind of have to wait for someone to kick the bucket. I think you're looking for fairies, vampires, witches, or werewolves, little guy. I just moved here from Moonlight Falls and there were a lot of them living there."
"Oh! Wonderful! Did any of them come to live in Sunset Valley?"
"Only one that I know of. A fairy named Leslie."
"Great! Where does she live?"
"He, it's a guy. I'm not sure where he lives, but he works for the military. He'll get off his shift in a couple of hours. You might be able to find him then."
"Super!! Thank you, Mr. Monkey Uncle!"
"You're welcome, Beren. Anything else I can do for you?"
"I would also like to purchase an elixir, please, if I may."
"I'm sorry son, but you have be 18 or older to purchase anything from my shop. So come back in ten years or so."
"Poop."
So yeah, there's ONE supernatural in all of SV, and it's a fairy who's currently at work. Guess we'll find something else for Beren to do for a few more hours.
"Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh ! BLABLABLABLABLABLAAAAA!"
"Looking GOOD!!"
"I must say, that bunny poster is EXQUISITE!!"
"That smell is NOT. BLECH!!! Is it 2 o'clock yet?"
Really? You get to go to the arcade in the middle of the day and all you do is make funny faces in the mirror, and admire a wonky poster? Yes, let's go track down Leslie the Fairy Soldier.
"I know I just got home from work, but I hear some weird kid is trying to track me down, so I'm off to parts unknown! See ya'!"
OH HELL NO!!! Beren's almost there, your ass is not going anywhere.
"Hi Leslie! I'm Beren! I'm so excited to meet you."
"Hello, Beren. I'm very happy to meet you too. Verrry happy."
"Yeah........hi. So.....can you do any magic?"
"Sure, watch this."
"Nothing's happening."
"Look closer."
"I am looking closer. I see sparkles, is that it?"
"Very observant. I like you, pink Beren."
Holy creepazoid, Batman. Time to go, Beren. Say goodbye to the scary fairy.
"Bye!!"
"See you soon, my little friend."
Not if I see you first.
"Where the hell am I? Did I drink from that little bottle again?"
No, you're in the theater, designed by Tim Burton or some such shit.
"Just because I'm a child doesn't mean I don't understand the value of real estate."
I'm trying not to read too much into our ownership of the criminal warehouse.
"It's not a criminal warehouse! God!! It's a storage and shipping facility that's a bit old and rundown. Celly is their night manager, and it turns a pretty nice profit so I don't see what your problem is."
Oh yeah, Celly works there. I get notifications about her promotions but that's it. No dating, no kids. She hasn't done much of anything else.
"HOW could you cheat on my son, you no-good, slobby whore?? I knew you were trouble when you walked in!!"
"Oh like you give a SHIT about Thinny! You've picked on him his whole life, you big bully!! Don't think for one minute you can pull the same shit on me!!"
"I don't give a rat's ass WHAT you think! Thinny and I are going to be just fine!"
"Oh yeah? Then how come you still haven't broken up with whathisface? There's still a little heart next to his name on your friends list."
"That's NONE of your business! I'm going to get to that. I don't have to justify ANYTHING to you!"
"Pffffft. We'll see Piggy, we'll see."
"I cannot WAIT to sleep in my own damn bed again."
"HEY! I'M ALREADY IN HERE YOU SKANK-ASS GOLDIGGER! GET THE FUCK OUT!!"
"Sonofabitch!!"
She slept on the couch again. I don't know why Santos likes the tent so much, must be his 'loves the outdoors' trait. He and Yavanna rarely fight and are fully in the green with each other.
Next day Keisha knew what she had to do. Plus I'm curious to see what this guy looks like, seeing as his portrait is shy.
"Yay! I got a promotion!!"
That's great. Remember the phone call you need to make?
"Oh, yeah, right!"
"I hope he picks up."
"I've heard all about you, cheating skank."
Oh can it, Alana. Like your nose is so clean.
"Hi, Jung? It's Keisha, from high school? Yeah! Hi! .................. I'm well, and you? ......................... That's great! Listen, can we meet up somewhere, maybe the park? There's something I really need to tell you..............Fantastic! I'll see you in five!"
"Hi Jung! Thanks so much for meeting me."
"No problem, Keisha! You know, I've never forgotten our time together. You are my first love, you know that?"
"Oh. Really? That's ...... nice, Jung. Actually, that's what I need to talk to you about. See, I've got a new boyfriend now and, somehow, he found out about us. In spite of it being YEARS ago, he's really hung up on it. So I just want to be clear, you and I are just friends. There's nothing romantic going on between us."
"WHAT? How could you even SAY that? Did that kiss mean NOTHING to you? I thought you were better than that, Keisha!!"
Eh, Thinny's much cuter. And a better dresser.
"What the? Jeez, Jung! We haven't even spoken since graduation!"
"It doesn't matter!! I EARNED that heart! I can't believe you want to get rid of it!"
"Look man, now you're acting crazy. High school was fun but it's OVER! We are over and have been for a long time! Get used to it!"
"I'm NEVER speaking to you again!!"
"Best news I've heard all week."
And by "somebody", he means his own crackhead self.
Later that evening.....
hold on, you're not Keisha.
"No, I'm Sadie. But I've heard we look alike, especially in uniform."
"Hi! Sorry it took me so long to invite you in. I thought you were that disgusting blond who lives here with my son."
"That's okay. I finished patrolling the neighborhood and figured I'd stop by to make sure everything was alright. Your house looks a little rundown, are you all okay in here?"
"Oh yeah, we're fine. We'll renovate on of these years, just gotta find the right people to do the job."
"Ha! I know how that is!"
Instead of hitting on Santos, like I thought she was going to, Sadie gave me hope for sim womanhood by ignoring him, and hogging our Xbox.
"I have NO idea where she is. Sleeping on a damn park bench somewhere I'm sure, the slut."
"I don't care, Dad. I'm going to go play "Call of Duty" with the police officer."
"It's possible Miss Keisha got caught up in the time stream. That's what happened to the school yesterday."
"No it didn't, Beren. I got in just fine."
"You did? Hmmmmm. Maybe it only gets wonky with ME. Interesting."
"Time stream? What on earth is in that ice cream you're eating, kid? Come on, let's go outside and throw the old pigskin around. You look like you need a little toughening up."
"We're going to throw a pig??"
"Alright, now remember, the ball's not going to hurt you so you don't have to be such a delicate flower about it."
Like you were with Thinny?
"Get the hell out of here, will you?"
"I got it!!"
"Oops! I dropped it."
"Come kid! Try again!"
"CATCH!!!"
"OUCH!! Why are you throwing it so hard?"
"Sorry kid, that's how the game is played."
Needless to say, Santos is not on great terms with any of his kids.
Santos isn't the only one with a lying portrait. I think Olo's old baby-mama finally dumped him.
"Ah, what a beautiful morning! Nothing like hauling your ass out of the tent to play in the sprinkler as the sun rises."
"BAHHERHVFCJKOSYOUREANIDIOTAVNDLAHUDJIJLSDL!!!!!!!"
"OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS THAT?"
"Heh-heh. A beautiful morning it is, you old fart."
"Oh good lord I cannot believe I let an 8 year old scare the shit out of me."
I have to admit, I am very fond of Otho. He's not down with your middling, worthless shit.
So Thinny had today off. He spent it upgrading a shower and getting in a quick workout, after which he felt a nice soak in the hot tub was in order. I don't know wtf is up with that hot tub but it was while he was relaxing in it that he decided that he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with Keisha.
"I just can't trust her. I know I can do better."
So wtf did you do? Does she have any idea that she needs to update her Facebook profile?
"She'll be home any minute, I'll talk to her."
"WE ARE THROUGH!! You are an untrustworthy CHEATER and I cannot bring myself to stay with you. I hope you're satisfied!!"
"Are you serious? I met with Jung at the park yesterday and told him that we are just friends! There's nothing between us, Thinny, I swear!! You're the one that I love!"
"You SAW him in the park? You TALKED to him? See, Keisha? This is what I'm talking about! I need a girlfriend that I can count on!"
"You know what, Thinny? FINE! We're over! I can't believe you're going to throw away our relationship over a fling that occurred before we ever STARTED dating! But seeing as you're so damn JEALOUS and completely irrational over NOTHING, hell *I* deserve better than this. I'm outta here!"
"FINE! GO THEN!!"
"I WILL!!"
"Well well! What have we here? Should I make popcorn? Is this little piggy finally figuring out that this house isn't for her?"
"FUCK OFF, SANTOS!!"
"I'll take that as a 'yes'."
"Oh my GAWD girl, you will NOT believe what's going down right in front of me! My son finally grew a pair and dumped that ugly ass woman he's been dating since he was 17 years old.............. I know, right? Best afternoon I've had in years. Hell, I even turned off the tv."
So. Much. Love.
Run Keisha! Run like the fires of Mordor be upon you!!
"Hello, Twallan's Story Progression? I'm being kicked out and I need a home befitting a woman of my tastes, and something to make up for all the hell I've been through these last couple of years."
"Bye you crazy, batshit group of asshats! I'll see you around town, from my LIMO!!"
So, did SP do right by you?
"Well, I think so. It'll do. I mean, I am a single woman, now, so I really don't need THAT much space. But this fits the bill very nicely."
So where did SP move her?
Right next door to the old Landgraab mansion. All by her little self in that big ass house. Enjoy, Keisha!
"Oh I will. I'll be sure to invite y'all to my next party."
We'll end it here. Next chapter, Beren becomes a teen.
Points
Heirs:
LTW Heir:
Spare/Spouse: +10 (Keisha)
Children:
Every $100,000:
100,000 Happiness Points (heir):
Skipped/Failed Opportunities:
Fulfilled Opportunities:
Deleted Locked In Wishes:
Accidental Deaths:
Social Worker Visits:
Previous Total: +151
New Total: +161
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